The gathering sure was a great way for us, families to rekindle our closeness and love towards each other, like Cat said (quoting Jerry) we should be willing to enter deeply into the life of another, which means allowing our lives to be changed, which means the person who is experiencing pain/loss must also be willing to receive the help and the friendship.
We are happy and excited to gather with the whole family. It seems like an eternity since we last saw each other and catch up with each other. I am glad to see everyone. This meeting is especially meaningful for us, because this is my first time visiting mother since the accident. I wasn't able to attend her memorial service and I felt really left out because I didn't get to see the pictures or videos.
A few things that I can recall about Mother. I miss Mother's laughter and the excitement that she showed when she played mahjong with Leo & I at Clementi. We used to drink tea or drink red wine, talking away about the old times, and we are always amazed that she is able to talk away and at the same time, draws herself back to the game. She's always winning and after she won, she will go to the market and buy groceries the next morning. I guess that's her way of telling us that she appreciates us spending time playing mahjong with her. At the market, she told me "Hmm..I need to get this pork rib for Cat and Jenni. Their market doesn't sell as fresh as what is available in Clementi. Ah.. you know, even Big is so used to do her marketing in Clementi market".
I think, being the newest member of the daughter-in-law, I spent the least time with her. However, I am able to look back and recapture the memorable time that we spent together. On some afternoon, we would spend time sitting down and Mother will tell me all her childhood stories of how she had to take care of her elder brother and how hard life was back then during the Japanese Occupation. Sometimes, we cried together.
Mother brought me to a few places: just me and her. I remember she brought me to St. Andrew's Cathedral and we had fun. We sing Mandarin worship songs, she sang and dance beautifully beside me. I was enjoying myself with her. Then we took a bus ride home.
We enjoyed going to the market, buying groceries. She can plan her menu very well despite her old age. She knows very well what she wants and what to get. She's also very thrifty and gave me a lot of advice which I will cherish for the rest of my life.
When she came over to KL, I remember I was new with the KL road, I didn't know how to drive to a LRT station, I was depending on a GPS. Leo was busy, so I tried my best to drive to the nearest LRT station even though we got lost a few times (o.O)'. To me, what mattered most was, she didn't pressure me or anything, she was very calm and just kept quiet when I needed to concentrate on the road. She trusted me to get her to her destination. Finally, we arrived at the station after like 40 minutes. I guess she must have been so relieved because she was rushing to attend her cell group the next day, Friday.
Cat, just want to say thanks for your effort, being our DOG. I will always try my best for our family even though we all know the journey is not a bed of roses. We do get scratched by the thorns occasionally but that's what makes us bind closer together in the face of adversities.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Visiting Mom and Dad on the 24th April 2010
This was our first quarterly family gathering and it was good to see everyone's faces. Kudos of course to Leo and Ivy for driving all the way down to be with us. (please do post pics guys!)
After spending some time at the niche and also chee bung, we headed to Seletar Reservoir Park.
Brooks and Jonathan (with maid Eva) took the kids while the rest of us sat on picnic mats and spent some time in reflection and sharing.
We read through parts of a chapter from the book 'A Grace Disguised'. This book was written by a man who in one moment lost 3 generations of his family - mom, wife and daughter. In the chapter we read, called A Community of Brokenness, Jerry talks about how pain and suffering can be such a solitary affair, but it need not be that way. In fact, pain and loss can also open doors for community.
Jerry shares there are 2 things that need to happen since community doesn't happen naturally.
Firstly, we need to be willing to enter deeply into the life of another, which means allowing our lives to be changed.
Secondly, it means the person who is experiencing pain/loss must also be willing to receive the help and the friendship. It will require courage to face the darkness and new skills.
Leonard shared that he was praying as he felt far from the family and he didn't know what to expect coming down yesterday. But he felt that our reading the chapter was itself an answered prayer.
We shared about how we need to learn to enter into each other's world and accept each other, before we even seek to correct and change another. We talked about how it required courage since seeing family only reminds us of the loss of mom. We also shared on we can learn to clarify assumptions rather than just bear grudges or feel a sense of distance from each other.
It was a good time of open sharing.
We proceeded to lunch at this restaurant called Woody....the spiciest buffalo wings you've eaten....wow, just thinking of it makes me feel....sssss....hiam ah!
i am grateful for the time we had, and look forward to the ways we can truly become friends to each other. And that in the end, mom's loss may not just leave a hole in our hearts and family, but may be the bridge to deeper levels of friendships and love we can have with each other.
One action point -
please try to update us about your family once a month - email or use this blog - as we all do our bit, it will go a long way to strengthening the ties that bind.
Till 17th July,
here's the DOG signing off
After spending some time at the niche and also chee bung, we headed to Seletar Reservoir Park.
Brooks and Jonathan (with maid Eva) took the kids while the rest of us sat on picnic mats and spent some time in reflection and sharing.
We read through parts of a chapter from the book 'A Grace Disguised'. This book was written by a man who in one moment lost 3 generations of his family - mom, wife and daughter. In the chapter we read, called A Community of Brokenness, Jerry talks about how pain and suffering can be such a solitary affair, but it need not be that way. In fact, pain and loss can also open doors for community.
Jerry shares there are 2 things that need to happen since community doesn't happen naturally.
Firstly, we need to be willing to enter deeply into the life of another, which means allowing our lives to be changed.
Secondly, it means the person who is experiencing pain/loss must also be willing to receive the help and the friendship. It will require courage to face the darkness and new skills.
Leonard shared that he was praying as he felt far from the family and he didn't know what to expect coming down yesterday. But he felt that our reading the chapter was itself an answered prayer.
We shared about how we need to learn to enter into each other's world and accept each other, before we even seek to correct and change another. We talked about how it required courage since seeing family only reminds us of the loss of mom. We also shared on we can learn to clarify assumptions rather than just bear grudges or feel a sense of distance from each other.
It was a good time of open sharing.
We proceeded to lunch at this restaurant called Woody....the spiciest buffalo wings you've eaten....wow, just thinking of it makes me feel....sssss....hiam ah!
i am grateful for the time we had, and look forward to the ways we can truly become friends to each other. And that in the end, mom's loss may not just leave a hole in our hearts and family, but may be the bridge to deeper levels of friendships and love we can have with each other.
One action point -
please try to update us about your family once a month - email or use this blog - as we all do our bit, it will go a long way to strengthening the ties that bind.
Till 17th July,
here's the DOG signing off
Saturday, April 17, 2010
I had a dream
I took an afternoon nap. I dreamt about mom. I was home alone... but home was flat-like, with curtains drawn, fairly dark. Mom was with me. Mood seemed sombre. I said it is ok, my in-laws will bring dinner. She seemed to be looking for something. Then it dawned on me... so I said ok we cook dinner at home. She replied "yes, for just the two of us". I roused from my nap and thought that is so mom.. she wouldn't tell us in the face what she preferred and if I had not been intuitive enough to sense her preference, she would have gladly gone along with whatever I suggest. I must have been thinking about mom.
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