What Others Say after the Memorial Service

The memorial service was very well-attended and executed with precision timing. The many heads and hands involved had come together to work this magic, by the grace of God. At the heart of it was a compelling story of a life well-lived.

Thought it would be good for us to capture some interesting comments from friends via smses, in addition to those who verbally told us that they were inspired:

"Your MIL was a remarkable woman. They don't make many women like her anymore!"

"The service was a truly lovely dedication to your mum. You are blessed with the memories of the person she was, as well as that of a really supportive family. Shalom."

"It was a privilege to be part of the memorial service for your most amazing mom. You gave a beautiful eulogy."

Do add on ....

Mom's BirthDay

Hey all, shared this with you all at mom's 70th birthday celebration....in memory of mom and si kar teng!


Things are beautiful if you love them ~ Jean Anouilh

Excitement buzzed in the small little one bedroom apartment. All the kids were running around trying to make the apartment as clean and tidy as possible. We had another hour before mom walks the 3 km home from work, it would enable our family to save 20 cents each day. We had it all planned. We would all hide quietly in the little apartment as mom turns the key, then she would search for us, and then we would all jump out of our hiding places and shout, ‘Happy Birthday!’ Then we will sing her a birthday song and then…but there was no more ‘and then’ cause we did not have any present for her.

Suddenly, our spirits dampened as we realized that we could not afford to buy our dear mother anything. And it grew very quiet.Suddenly, 5th sis appeared from under the bed with a triumphant grin and a worn out handbag in her hand, ‘I’ve found a present!’ The gray leather had faded considerably, some parts was even looking a little moldy. It must have been one of those things that Dad picked up at Sungei Road.

We looked around for wrapping paper. But we had nothing. Groan. And then 2nd brother said, ‘hey, let’s wrap it in old newspapers!’ We dived into it, and layer after layer we wrapped the bag, feeling once again the excitement and grandeur of our schemes.

‘She’s coming, she’s coming!’ 3rd sis shouted from her lookout post along the 12th-storey corridor, and we scrambled to find hiding places, which was a little difficult since it was a small place. And we tried very hard to keep our sniggering down…all these excitement caused 5th sis to wet her pants. I laughed and then cupped my mouth as I crouched behind the shoe rack.

The key turns, and the door opens slowly. Mom takes a cautious look inside, a look of bewilderment came over her. Where is all that usual noise and commotion? She steps in and I bit my lower lip, trying very hard not to break in laughter. Then with great gusto, we all sprang out of our hiding places and screamed, ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’

We sang the birthday song, but there was no cake nor candles…although we did have a birthday present. Mom peeled off the newspaper layer by layer, playing along with us as she kept saying, ‘I wonder what it is?’Finally, from the newspaper emerged the old, worn-out handbag. Mom was visibly moved, she hugged it to herself and told us she loved her present. We all cheered and felt so very proud of ourselves.

Mom kept that handbag for a long long time.
Presents need never be expensive, just given in love.

Tribute to a MIL - the invisible post recreated

She debunked the stereotyping of the MIL that all sons-in-law would find the flimsiest of excuse to stay away from. She was so unassuming and easy going that I could be myself and she could drop in at our place without any prior notice & without me having to "get ready" for an MIL visit. In fact, she not only got tickled by my jokes & antic but also was my drinking kaki whenever she popped over for dinner. You see, when she came, I got a chance to open a bottle of wine to share just so that it could be consumed within the week. It's just a glass each mind you, otherwise I had to keep the rest till it turned to vinegar :-( And at least she could discern that the sound I was making out of the saxaphone had some coincidental semblance to "The Moon Represents my heart" on no less significant an occasion than her 75th BD - speaks volume of her endurance for not stopping me halfway! Speaking of endurance, I have ever told my dear wife that I admired my MIL's tenacity - that any other mothers thrown with just half or less of her life challenges would have long given up. Truly, God had through her & the way she lived her life taught us His word spoken through Paul about "rejoicing in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." So while I grieve the sudden loss, I thank God for all the moments she had with us and for God's love being poured out on us through my MIL. I rejoice that she is now in that perfect house that Christ had built for her. It's just a temporary separation till we are all reunited in our Father's dwelling with no further separation. With love, Donar

The Greatest Contortionist

Mom lived with such great flexibility - if translated into physical terms, she would be the greatest contortionist! She adapted herself to all manner of situations whenever we made a request for her to help jaga our children when they were young - always making herself useful, always meeting our needs on our terms. To some extent, we have taken her for granted sometimes... justifying last minute requests just because we knew deep down that she would say "Ok. No problem. It can be done". The word "Cannot" was not in her vocabulary. Even if plans were to clash, she would be able to figure a way out, somehow. Her own needs were sinple: she could sleep over at any place - guest room, sofa bed in the hall, mattress on the floor, sleeping bag. She would eat whatever we prepared. Whenever I asked what she wanted to eat, the answer would generally be "chin chye" (anything also can). Her adaptability is keenly felt when she volunteered to support us through our confinement and other significant moments of need. She was willing to travel far and wide and adapt to foreign situations - US, Shanghai, Malaysia, Australia. In the last 2 years when I'm preoccupied with my studies, she came to my house periodically, entertained herself with TV while I did my stuff. Between us, we knew that if there were things she wanted me to help her with, all she needed to do was ask. And if I were to share an idea with her, no matter how ridiculous it might sound, she would be open-minded enough to listen. Imagine how it feels like not to have to second-guess her because she is just so easy to please.

Cat and Mom at Haw Par Villa.
who was the photographer?

Even though we were pretty poor, it still is impressive that mom and dad brought us to the beach, to places of interests and sacrificed much to provide for us. (even smuggling ice-cream for us from the baby ward, thickly wrapped in layers of newspaper to beat the Singapore heat!)

Have a great christmas in paradise mom, it must be an incredible party over there!

love,
cat

Tribute to a MIL

Funeral

6:35pm
We are back at Jess' home now, and Helen had cooked us curry kambing for dinner.

Earlier at 12:45, we headed over to the funeral house. The chapel had soft hymns playing, under the soft light, we gathered around mom's casket. The tears flowed freely as we huddled round. For many, this is the first time we have seen mom since the accident.

At 1:45, we started playing the photo montage of mom's life as friends started streaming in.
The service started at 2pm and pastor Ken, Jessie's pastor led our time. He spoke about mom with much sensitivity and tenderness, and recounted how he heard the news and how we are gathered to "honor a wonderful lady" who brought up 9 children.

Jess was the first to speak during the eulogy, followed by Jenni, Leonard and Cat.
Together we shared how much mom meant to us in different ways.

At the close of the time, pastor Ken led in prayer for blessing for the family.
After thanking everyone who came, we said goodbye to mom again, and the casket was closed.

Farewell mom, but more accurately, See you again
we love you and your legacy and memory will live with us; may our lives shine like yours in courage, love and sacrifice.

Cat

Here we are...trying to figure this out!

Here we are in Jess' living room...trying to figure out how this blogging thing work.

Sachee, Jenni and i on one couch, jess, squating and writing a thank you card, brooks, helen and big on another couch....correction, big standing!

henry in his hawaiian shirt just walked in, and eepeng walked in eating tomatoes.

Jonathan looks at all of us in amazement!

anyone for a cup of coffee? asked Jess

and yes, henry finally took his shower and washed away all those 30 hours' of varmin accumulated on the flights!

Ah ma- A willing heart, humble spirit

One day, Ah ma called me and said," Cui Ting, can you teach me how to learn tambourine dance? I signed up for the tambourine dance course in church, but I am unable to keep up with the steps. I need more revision." When I received the call, I was pleasantly surprised by her new-found hobby and interest. Hence, we arranged to do tambourine dance together when she is alone at home and when nobody is around. Mama is really shy. She didn't allow me to tell anyone, hence it became our little secret. [But I found out Aunty Cat and Aunty Popo knows too =)]

I must say that I really admire grandmother's willingness to learn. When we were practising the dance, even I felt tired. When I asked her, she will always say, "it's ok. Let's continue." I think her willingness and desire to learn, is something all of us should emulate. She doesn't complain and will try her very best to learn even though some steps are pretty challenging.

Even my friends call her the "hip" grandmother.

My friend who is conducting the tambourine course praised my grandmother. She commented that she is very encouraged by grandmother's learning attitude. By the way, Ah ma is eldest member of the tambourine dance course. Somehow, it doesn't deter her. She still tries her very best and would not complain.

When I was younger, there was this campaign about- vote for someone you know, whom represents life-long learning. I wanted to vote for mama. haha. She learnt practically everything.
Swimming, Dancing, Singing, English classes... etc. You name it.

I am truly humbled by her when I was teaching her how to dance. She is a great example to all us.

-Jolene

Naughty kid

when i was six, right before primary 1

I kinda remember her look of hidden exasperation ... initially planned to stay over at her place throughout my primary school life .. get to a school near clementi *i think*.. it didnt happen =\ ...
remember her saying "wo bang ni bao ming le .. ni de shu mai le eh"
*i've enrolled for you and bought your school books!*

I am going to miss her laughing at my jokes and antic whenever she comes over for visit & dinner. "This Donar, jing gao cho siow"; and "This Donar, jing ai chong tee yin lao peh" - when I teased my dad. Eh? Who is Donar uh?

"show time"?!

well here we are in Perth. i have flown in this morning with sisters Big and Helen.
The HOs always love to gather - maybe we're closet italians..or greeks..o..yes,..family..which means we connect deeply..this afternoon we are going through photos coming in from US, Singapore and of coz Perth..and picking out mom as we know her: character, pose, smile, twinkle in the eye.. to find a meet portrait to use and put together a slideshow...too tired from a turbulent and noise-filled flight to feel much except the comfort of being with my sisters...
those pictures will render themselves into a slideshow on my mind's screen..over and over.

endings/beginnings

So aunty Cat suggested today that I set up a blog where everyone could post to/read while we're all on the journey of remembering Mama. The title is tentative and can be changed any time, so any input is welcome :) Pictures can go up here as well.

This is in its raw state, and I will do things to prettify it along the way. I know everyone's busy and things are probably hectic at the moment, but this could be a place to gather thoughts/feelings/ourselves.

all my love,
Michelle